Monster Generator


1. What kind of monster are you making?

A. Minion. Yeah, right. Minion. Pick again when you’re sober, Sunshine.

B. Brute. What, are you putting on deodorant? Pick again after you’ve showered.

C. Soldier. Bor-ring. Why not just play dolly instead. This is D&D man, try again.

D. Elite. Elites are just bodyguard window dressing. You get one more try, nitwit.

E. Solo. Right, everyone loves a solo. Especially when there are two or more at once.

2. Which Character’s build are you completely invalidating and reducing to utter uselessness?

A. Mathas. Removing a melee striker reduces some significant damage. Go to Step 3.

B. Grayos. Controllers ruin all your fun. Let’s ruin all his fun for a change. Go to Step 4.

C. Tor. Defenders make fights boring, so let’s make him so bored he watches Family Guy instead. Go to Step 5.

D. Graelen. Remove the heals and the rest will fall. Go to Step 6.

E. Vralwyn. One less striker is what I call a good start. Go to Step 7.

F. All of them fuckers! Why pick just one? Go to Step 8.

3. Let’s screw over the melee striker. Pick any two abilities.

A. Damage Aura to make getting close painful.

B. Massive Damage Resistance to make all his hard hits into little girly swats.

C. Break combat into multiple encounters so he wastes powerful dailies in first fight.

D. Have Erand’s d’Vol appear and distract him from the main solo.

4. Let’s control that gay-ass wizard for once. Pick any two abilities.

A. Will Defense of 40 ought to ensure he misses with his psychic powers.

B. Automatic saves against immobilization and stun will be a pleasant surprise. Control this!

C. Melee attacks with reach will prevent him from casting. “Are you casting? Oh sorry, that’s an opportunity attack.”

D. Immediate reaction to psychic attacks ought to teach him a lesson. Have 6d10 “How do you like me now?” Mind Fuck damage.

5. Who defends the defender? No one. Pick any two…three… fuck it, pick all these abilities.

A. All movement powers are shift 5 or 6. There will be no opportunity attacks here.

B. All attack powers will slow and knock people prone. “Oh can you not get close enough to mark? Pity.”

C. All standard actions are multi-attacks so that he does huge fuck tons of damage.

D. Has higher initiative bonus than Tor. “Who’s going first now, asshole?”

6. I shall lead you to temptation, Graelen. Temptation to rage quit that is. Pick any two abilities.

A. Suppresses all healing powers as a minor action will be both fair and balanced.

B. High ongoing damage that ends on a save won’t last too long. That is unless I have my Roll Hax on sucker!

C. Focusing all attacks on the Graelen until he’s waiting for a resurrection is just sound combat tactics.

D. Having three times as many hit points as everyone in the party combined is normal for this level range.

7. Oh look the ranged striker wants to act. Not on my watch, bitch! Pick any two abilities.

A. Swarms of monsters are always adjacent to him so he can’t shoot. “Not so shifty now are you.”

B. Damage Resistance to gay-ass arrows. Pew pew this, Mother fucker!

C. Really high move score so he can get up close and personal all the time. “Are you trying to avoid me? I don’t think so.”

D. Ah fuck it, just target the elf and kill the 10 Con bitch. Problem solved.

8. This is the greatest moment of my life. First, pick one quality from each category A, B, and C, and then go to Step 9.

A. Cateogry 1: Fiendish, Elder, Devilish

B. Categroy 2: Dragon, Tarrasque, Nightshade

C. Cateogry 3: Lich, Mummy, Abomination

9. Now pick a location to maximize the creature’s effectiveness, and then go to Step 10.

A. Airship flight

B. Temple dedicated to their worship

C. Shadowfell

D. Royal prince’s party

10. Now simply choose how you’re going to lull your group into a false sense of security.

A. “What are you whining about? No one has died yet?”

B. “You guys have defeated plenty of monsters above your level rating.”

C. “Boo hoo, this will be another cake-walk for us, let’s complain some more.”

D. “Tracy wants to know if you’re done wearing her dress yet.”

Monster Generator

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